a) who speaks when at a wedding; and
b) who needs to say what in their wedding speech?

As you’ll read elsewhere on the site, I suggest planning your speech around the ‘must haves’ and the ‘might haves’.  The list below focuses solely on the ‘must haves’.
Many wedding speeches fall foul of ‘listing’, where you subject the audience to a never-ending barrage of sincere thankyous.  The best speeches weave these ‘must haves’ around their more creative elements and so you hardly realise that they are running through a list at all.
Here’s a quick reminder of the things that you will probably need to include if it’s a standard wedding with an orthodox set of speeches.

The Father of the Bride Speech

(creative input focuses mainly on the Bride and her new husband)
1. Welcome the guests
2. Welcome your new family
3. Mention your wife
4. Mention guests who cannot be there
5. Toast the Bride and Groom
You may also want to mention your other children, the vicar or equivalent, any friends who have helped with the organisation (including the flowers) and people who have travelled a long way.

The Groom Speech

(creative input focuses mainly on the Bride)
1. Thank the Father of the Bride
2. Thank the guests
3. Mention the new-in-laws
4. Mention your own family
5. Mention any particularly elderly or ‘special’ guests
6. Thank the Best Man and ushers
7. Toast the Bridesmaids
Your thankyous may overlap with the Father of the Bride and so it is worth trying to share them between you.  You may also want to mention guests who can’t be there and thank anyone from the wedding planner to the flower arranger (although I suggest that you restrict your thankyous to volunteers)

The Best Man Speech

(creative input focuses mainly on the Groom)
1. Read any telegrams
2. Respond to toast on behalf of bridesmaids
3. Thank your hosts
4. Toast the Bride and Groom
This list is short and sweet and yours is the speech with most room for creativity and fun.  However, it is still worth checking with the groom that he doesn’t want you to take any of the ‘must haves’ off his plate.

That’s the high level summary.  Please don’t assume anything and always check with the others that you are not going to cover the same ground.  Good luck, and please feel free to call me at any time if you’d like more detailed advice or help putting it all together.

I am in the process of writing a series of booklets about the speech writing process.  Each will contain a question and answer section with real answers given to real questions asked by real people.

If you have a speech-related question that is bothering you, please let me know. I’ll reply as quickly as I can, and with your permission, it may be published (and please don’t worry, your surname won’t be!).

And so whether your question is about planning, writing or delivering your speech, please feel free to drop me an email or add a response below this blog.

I look forward to hearing from you and hope I will be able to help.

Thanks, Lawrence

You may be absolutely right, but there is no substitute for preparation even if you are an accomplished public speaker.  Take the politicians who finesse and practise their first speech in office long before the election is won (or lost!).

If you are beginning to think about a spring or summer work presentation or wedding speech, I’d suggest that you do the hard work now and create time for practise nearer the event.  This doesn’t necessarily mean writing a first draft, but simply pulling together all the information you’ll need and starting to think about the potential shape and structure of your speech.

This period is the equivalent of a sportsman’s pre-season training.  It will enable you to maximise the chances of hitting the ground running once the speech draws near.

Many of these tips won’t take you long, but they’ll save you time and stress nearer D-day.

1. Contact others for background information. If you are a Best Man, it’s never too early to start contacting the Groom’s family for anecdotes.  If you are giving a business speech its worth asking the organisers what the audience will be expecting from you.
2. Create a master document into which you dump all your thoughts along with everyone else’s. Even if it doesn’t seem so at the time, this process can end up being extremely useful in creating an overview and structure when it comes to writing the speech itself. At this stage don’t worry about what’s interesting, what’s funny, or what’s off limits. Put everything down!
3. Keep an ear out for quirks, quotes and snippets of potentially relevant information and jot them down in your overview.
4. If you’re using photos, diagrams or props, start thinking now about what you need and where you can get them.
5. Take some time to start sketching an outline of your speech or presentation. This will begin to create the context to judge which of your stories and ideas fit well together.
6. Be prepared to write a number of drafts before you get it just right.
7. Enlist the help of a colleague or friend off whom you can bounce ideas and eventually practise delivery.  Ask them to be critical and so anything that passes through you both is likely to be worth saying.
8. Find out about the venue in which you’ll be speaking.  Where will you be standing.  Will there be a microphone?  Will you have a lectern?  This information will all come in useful when you start writing and practising.
9. Check who is speaking before and after you.  What are they likely to say?  How might they refer to you?  Start thinking about ways to link your speech to theirs.

None of this is rocket science.  Quite the opposite in fact. But it does show that there’s plenty to be getting on with early on.  A speech is nothing without content or context.  And they are best achieved through careful planning.

My next blog piece about putting pen to paper.  In the meantime, please feel free to call me with any speech or presentation-related question on +44 207 681 8247.

Thanks, Lawrence

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It never ceases to surprise me how often my clients ask me what to do if heckled during a speech at a special occasion.

There are, of course, a number of tricks to deal with a mouthy member of the audience.  But if this is keeping you awake at night, the key thing to remember is that aggressive heckling is very unusual and, as a general rule, it tends to be reserved for stand up comedians.

But if this reassurance isn’t enough, then here’s another rule of thumb:
The more abusive and aggressive you are during your speech, the more likely a member of your audience will be to respond to it.  So if you keep your content relatively mild and inoffensive then you can rule out intervention from all but the very drunk!

If this is still not enough to control the nerves then there are a few things you can do to prepare yourself for the unwanted (and unlikely) heckle.

Firstly, please remember that this is their problem not yours!  You have been asked to speak.  The rest of your audience will want to hear what you have to say.  And most of them will be as irritated as you are by the uninvited interruption.

Bearing this in mind, your best bet is to smile politely at your heckler, pause and then continue.  This approach has a number of advantages.  It enables you to retain the moral high ground, it avoids you having to think quickly on your feet under pressure, and it will avert all chances of a slanging match developing.  If you could also add a ‘thankyou’ while smiling sweetly, then you are likely to get some laughter from your audience as well as sympathy.

My advice to nervous and inexperienced speakers is to leave it there.  But some are desperate for a response they can prepare that is sure to work.  This is difficult, because the genius of the best stand-up comedians is that they are able to adapt their lines on the spot.  On that basis, you need something that is not inflammatory, and which is aimed at the audience rather than the heckler.  Something on the lines of ‘I must remember to stop asking my Dad to come and listen to me speak’ or ‘I really wish my Mum could hold her drink’ should work.

However, as with all things related to giving a speech, if you prepare well, your worst fears are highly unlikely to be realised.

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Australian cricketing legend Glenn McGrath: “Brandes, why are you so fat?”
Zimbabwean tail-end batsman Eddo Brandes: “Because every time I **** your wife, she gives me a biscuit.”

Everyone will admit to having certain reservations about speaking in public. You may be one of the lucky ones whose worries magically disappear the moment you have a punchy and well written speech to deliver. For you, content is the key.

You may however be someone whose fear is more deep-rooted, and for whom the very thought of standing up in front of an audience is enough to leave you with shaky hands and a sense of grim foreboding. The nerves may be so crippling that you are paralysed by fear at the very thought of a business presentation, after dinner speech, or a friend’s invitation to be best man.

But don’t give up just yet. There are a number of practical steps to take to help fight the battle against this common phobia. Some are based entirely on common sense. Others involve seeking help from professionals who really can make a difference.

Here are a few tips that I have shared with clients over the years:

Remember it’s ok to be nervous: A little bit of adrenalin can give you focus and clarity.

Become familiar with your venue: Find out where you’ll be standing, whether there will be a microphone, and if there will be somewhere to rest your notes.  This will avoid nasty surprises that might keep you awake the night before.

Practise, practise, practise! Get to know your speech so well that you only need to glance at your notes to remember what comes next.  This also allows you to make eye contact with your audience, giving you reassurance and confidence.

Perfect your posture: Good posture can make you look and feel more confident. It opens up the organs, which in turn oxygenates the brain enabling you to think more quickly on your feet. Trained to the highest level in NLP and hypnotherapy, Michele Paradise specialises in improving public speaking confidence by working on your posture.

Breathe!: It might sound simple, but try some slow deep breathing exercises just before you start speaking. It is amazing the effect they can have almost immediately.

Get coaching from a qualified trainer: With a background in acting and presenting, Hugo Simpson has a wealth of experience in helping individuals or business groups build their confidence to ensure their speech or presentation is delivered to perfection. I can put you in touch with him directly while his website is being rebuilt!

From my experience, great content is the greatest stress-relief of all.  If you believe that what you have to say is punchy, interesting and easy to deliver then the worries should start to diminish.

If you would like some help putting yours together, or simply want another pair of eyes to run over your draft, please feel to contact me on +44 207 681 8247 or drop me an email.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Lawrence.

If so, then it is worth back peddling slightly.  Apologies if this sounds like common sense, but experience suggests that speeches often get written as part of the following process:

1. The speaker is asked to speak at an event because they are an expert
2. Experts tend to know a huge amount about their subject
3. They start writing before deciding what they really want the speech to achieve
4. They forget that the majority of their audience tend to know a lot less about their subject than they do
5. Their draft tends to veer between topics and loses focus
6. They then ask for help!

On that basis, it is worth spending a little time thinking and planning before starting to write. 

Planning should begin by asking one very simple question:

What, in one sentence, would you like your audience to say about your speech once you have finished?

In essence, that single sentence is the key.  The speech then needs to be written to create that outcome.

This requires an argument.  Rather than trying to start by fleshing that argument out over many pages, just try and write a synopsis of the entire speech in a single paragraph, and ensure that it still meets your one sentence objective.

You now have a plan and a structure around which to develop detail.

This doesn’t mean that everything becomes easy.  But it should enable you to think with a little more clarity.  At that stage you can start to focus on the things that will really make your speech memorable.  Like simple language, a punchy script, an appropriate balance between humour and sincerity and detail that is relevant and interesting without being too technical.

Approaching it this way should make a world of difference.  And if it doesn’t, I’d be delighted to help bring it to life!

Lawrence

Presentations of this sort can range from a five minute update around a boardroom table to a set-piece presentation in front of the entire business.

As with any speech or presentation, there are a number of tricks to ensure that yours does not lead to ‘Death by PowerPoint’, a condition that can have the audience yawning at ‘hello’.

 It isn’t PowerPoint itself that creates the problem.  Quite the opposite.  It actually the tools to help bring a subject to life.  But when you are talking to your own staff, you do not need to fall into any if these traps:

1. Repeating ad-nauseam everything they heard at the last internal call-to-arms
2. Showing them every line of every balance sheet and set of accounts that you can find
3. Impressing them with an organogram showing how every individual within the team interacts
4. Running through so many objectives and visions that even you lose sight of what matters
5. Displaying your entire script on each slide so they have to listen to a demonstration of your reading ability

It is amazing how senior people who tend to give these sort of presentations start with the premise that they need to be formal and prosaic.

As a rule of thumb, an internal presentation should be as fun and straightforward as possible.  The idea is to engage your staff rather than alienate them.  And that is rarely achieved through a forest of facts, figures and hypotheses.

Which may sound like common sense.  But it is anathema to many business leaders, whether they work in the public or private sector.  So if I’ve covered the ‘don’ts’, here are a few tips for inspiring your colleagues:

1. Keep it simple.  Why present for half an hour when you can say it all in ten minutes?
2. Use your slides to illustrate and amuse, not as an autocue
3. Decide on the key message you want to convey and stick to it
4. Prepare by writing a synopsis of your speech or presentation in no more than one hundred words.  You can then use that paragraph as a framework for the rest of your content

This is only the start, but I hope it helps.  I would, of course, be delighted to help you work on your next one!

Lawrence

To begin with, don’t rush into detail. The big picture matters, particularly to busy and successful people. So before you start writing, check that you can summarise each of the following three points in an impactful and simple sentence:
a. What is your charity’s core purpose?
b. How does it go about reaching that goal?
c. What do you want from your audience on the night?

These sentences will already put you in a strong position to write your speech. The following tips should help develop it further:

Statistics

Only use statistics in a meaningful way. They are a vital way to make important points but they risk just becoming more numbers thrown at your audience. So be selective and use appropriate comparisons. For example, 90,000 sufferers of an illness is hard to quantify. But if you imagine a concert or match at Wembley Stadium and then imagine that every member of the full-house watching it suffers from that illness, you begin to evoke meaning.

Personalise

Large numbers are important to prove a point but they can be impersonal. Charities rely on empathy to make their mark. And so for every collective figure you use, try to back it up with a real example. So forty thousand homeless people become relevant when one of them is called Ronald. Who was sleeping at Charing Cross Station. And who was forced to beg for small change even though he had previously studied History to degree level.

Good News

Don’t allow the weight of problems associated with the charity to dominate. If, as a result of your help, Ronald now has his own flat and a steady job, then say so.

Outcomes

Never forget to set out measurable and achievable outcomes. Explain clearly and simply how your audience can help someone like Ronald. What should they do next, and how will he and people like him benefit?

Next Steps

Don’t forget that although this cause means everything to you, your audience have other calls on their time and money. If they stand to benefit from their affiliation with your cause then explain why. Show them how much (or how little) of their time and energy you require.

Ground Rules

Every Charity is underpinned by a serious cause. But don’t allow this to distract you from some of the key rules of speech making. For example:
a. Maintain a balance between sincerity and lighter content
b. Err on the side of brevity
c. Keep it simple, however highbrow your audience
d. Develop some core sound bites that will convey your key message coolly and calmly

I write speeches for a number of keynote speakers at fundraising events and charitable functions. I would be delighted to discuss how best to develop your speech to create the impact you’re striving for.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Lawrence

Your name and contact details

The Wedding

When is it?
Where are the ceremony and reception being held?
Do you know anything interesting about the venue for the ceremony?
Where is the reception being held?
Any specific reason or good stories about the reception venue?
Who is hosting it?

The context for your speech

At what stage in the event will you be speaking?
Who is giving the other speeches and what will they mainly be talking about?
What’s the order of speeches – You’d usually be the first up.
Will you be finishing with a toast? If so, who to?

Audience

How many people will be there?
Are there people you need to mention who have travelled a long way (or who are elderly etc)?
How many of them will know you?
Is there a subject that will particularly interest / engage them?
Do you expect it to be a relatively sedate or loud atmosphere?

Your speaking style

What proportion of the speech would you like to be sincere and what proportion funny?
How long would you like to speak for?
Are you, by nature, shy or extrovert?
How nervous will you be when you stand up to speak?
How would you like to introduce yourself?

Your daughter

How close are you to her?
Where and when was she born?
Where did he she go to school?
Are there any great stories associated with this period?
Did she go to college / University? Any stories here?
What was her first job?
What jobs has he / she done subsequently? Any great work stories?
What does she do now?
Could you describe her physically?
Could you describe her personality in three words?
What are her main hobbies / interests?
Can you give a brief outline of your family situation (where you all live / who are the other siblings / how often you see each oter / holiday together etc)?
Can you give an example of a great story or two that you’ve been involved in with her? (when was it?)
If there was a theme to hold your description of her together, what would it be?
Drop any additional emotional / nostalgic bits in here and I’ll work them in!

The groom

Who is he?
Can you give a brief outline of his life?
When did your daughter meet him?
When did you hear about him for the first time?
When did you realise things between them were getting serious?
When did you meet him for the first time? Any amusing reflections?
And the role that he has played in changing the life of your daughter?
What role have he and his family played in helping with the wedding?

Any other subjects

Who else do you want to mention and what do you want to say about them? Do you have any ‘must have’ jokes / stories not mentioned above?

Taboo subjects

What can’t we mention?

Are there subjects not covered above that you know will amuse / interest your audience?

Your name and contact details:

Where is the ceremony being held?
Do you know anything interesting about the venue for the ceremony?
Where is the reception being held?
Who is hosting it?

The context for your speech

At what stage in the event will you be speaking?
Who is giving the other speeches and what will they mainly be talking about?
What’s the order of speeches?
Who will be introducing you?
Do you know that person, and if so, is there anything humorous we can say about him or her?
How do you think he or she is likely to introduce you?
Will you be finishing with a toast? If so, who to (usually the bridesmaids)?

Your speaking style

What proportion of the speech would you like to be sincere and what proportion funny?
Are you, by nature, shy or extrovert?
How nervous will you be when you stand up to speak?

Audience

How many people will be there?
How many of them will know you?
Do you expect it to be a relatively sedate or loud atmosphere?

You

Date of birth?
Place of birth?
School (and university?) career details?
Profession?
Hobbies?
How would your friends describe you?
How nervous will you be when you stand up?
Do you have any experience of public speaking?

Your family

Can you give a brief outline of your family situation?
Who from the family do you need to mention / thank and how enthusiastically?

Thanks

Who else do you need to thank (for coming, form making it happen etc).
Elderly relatives? People traveling from a long way?
Bride’s family – always good to flatter them in public if possible.

Your bride

Her full name.
Where and when was she born?
Where did he she go to school?
Are there any great stories associated with this period?
Did she go to college / University? Any stories here?
What was her first job?
What jobs has she done subsequently? Any great work stories?
What does she do now?
Could you describe her physically?
Could you describe her personality in three words?
What are her main hobbies / interests?

You and Her

When and how did you meet?
When did you realise things were serious?
How have you changed since you met her?
How has she changed since she met you?
Where do you both live?
Where will you be living?
Where will the honeymoon be?
Any fun stories about when you were dating?
Can you give an example of a great story or two that you’ve been involved in with her? (when was it?)
If there was a theme to hold your description of her together, what would it be?
How would you describe her in three words?
Anything else you want to say about her?

The best man

Who is he?
How do you know him?
How would you describe him (abusive if possible)
How has he helped prepare you for the wedding?
How is he likely to make fun of you?

Taboo subjects

What can’t we mention?

Are there subjects not covered above that you know will amuse / interest your audience?