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Speech Tips for the Mother-of-the-Bride

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Great Speech Writing can give you lots of advice on how to give a memorable Mother-of-the-Bride speech, but how you apply this will very much depend on your reason for speaking in the first place. All these scenarios require different approaches and very different speeches. Once the approach has been agreed you can make use of our more general tips.

Scenario one: You are speaking in place of your late husband

This is often an emotional speech. A key factor will be how much focus you give to your daughter’s father and their relationship. You want to avoid turning it into a eulogy so it’s crucial that you get the balance right. As difficult as it might be, I suggest you keep references to him as light and fun as possible and you refer to the fun times and his evident pride in his daughter rather than long descriptions of the family’s grief.

Scenario two: You are standing in for an absent father

If there is a lot of negativity and hurt surrounding his absence, experience suggests that it is probably best to avoid any mention of him. If you feel that this would not be appropriate, then I suggest you keep it brief. Feel free to talk about him in the third person: ‘her father’ if it makes life easier for you. Obviously a decision needs to be made between you and your daughter as to how significant a mention he merits but experience suggests less is more.

Scenario three: Your husband is too shy to speak himself

Yes there are some fathers who, despite the service provided by Great Speech Writing , are still reluctant or too uncomfortable to give the speech themselves! In this scenario you can refer to him in the first person plural: ‘us’ and ‘we’ to ensure he feels involved. A tongue-in-cheek reference to him ‘loving the limelight’ will go down well and diffuse any confusion.

Scenario four: You are speaking as well as your husband

Good on you!  At Great Speech Writing we are all in favour of confident, punchy speakers. However, it is important that you don’t let your daughter’s wedding turn into the equivalent of the Oscars or the European Parliament, with an endless stream of meaningless speeches. If you’ve attended a Swedish wedding you’ll understand what we mean! So keep it fun, short and, whatever you do, coordinate with your husband so you don’t run through the same list of platitudes or stories.

More general tips for the mother-of-the-bride

  • Welcome the guests: It’s nice to mention those who’ve travelled far and anyone of a particularly significant age – the very old or the very young.
  • Tom who?: Although your primary purpose is to talk about your daughter, don’t make the mistake of forgetting to mention your new son-in-law. Love or loathe him, half the guests are there for him and they’ll be wanting to know how happy you are for them both. Welcome him to the family and talk about the ways he’s added to your daughter’s life.
  • Welcome the in-laws: This is not the time to offend your daughter’s in-laws! If you’re mentioning your own family, it would be courteous to mention how welcoming the Groom’s family have been to your daughter and your extended family.  This is also the time to thank them for any contribution they’ve made to the wedding.
  • Keep it short: Yours is quite likely to be the first speech (and the first of a few) so don’t let it drag on too long. Make sure it’s no more than 10 minutes (timed when speaking slowly) which on paper is a little over 1,000 words.
  • Minimise the gush: A mother-daughter relationship is a very special one so a bit of sentimentality in the speech is expected…. up to a point. Too much and it starts to sound sycophantic and dull. It’s fine to tell the guests how close you are and proud you are of her, but try to pepper the gush with some lighter teasing to balance it up.
  • Avoid the job application speech: Feel free to mention some of your daughter’s achievements, but weave these around the speech rather than listing facts and figures, grades and graduations in a chronological order.
  • Ask around: Ask  her friends for stories from school, college or work, your other children for their version of events from the early years, her fiancé about his first impressions of her and your husband (if appropriate) for any memorable stories, to get a good, mixed content.
  • Consult the other speakers: Your biggest risk is covering ground that will be repeated later on in the other speeches. I would strongly recommend that however original you think your speech may be, you have a quick chat with the Groom and Best Man to ensure there is no frustrating overlap.
  • The toast: Don’t forget to take a glass with you to make a toast to the Bride and Groom (assuming there isn’t a father-of-the-bride who will be doing this first). If that toast isn’t relevant then you may wish to plump for ‘Friends and Family’.

Factoring in the above tips should help you create a cracking speech and ensure you have a proud and happy daughter at the end of it. For more detailed help and advice contact me any time on 0208 245 8999 or at lawrence@greatspeechwriting.co.uk

Lawrence

Guarantee applause: Groom Speech

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While you read on, please feel to call us at any stage to discuss how we can help write or edit your speech for you!  Prices are set out here.

The wedding ‘season’ has arrived. If you’re a Groom, you may already be worrying about what to say in your speech – and how to minimise your chances of a ‘tumbleweed’ moment.  As ever, we’re quick to point out that every wedding and every Groom require a different approach, but there are some quick wins to guarantee positive feedback from your guests, whether it’s sighs, laughs or rapturous applause!

Early on, drop in the olden but golden “My wife and I…..”. Loathed as I am to ever suggest a re-cycled line, this one is part of the wedding tradition fabric. It doesn’t matter how many times guests have heard it before, it will always receive a warm cheer and set your nerves at rest.

Include a brief but heartfelt thanks to the hosts (assuming it isn’t you!). If it’s your in-laws you’ll earn brownie points from all sides.

Add a brief mention of those who couldn’t be with you on the day. It allows for a sentimental moment to reflect on and remember loved ones not there. But don’t dwell too long on this – it is a day of celebration after all.

Strike the right balance between talking about how wonderful your new wife is against the more self-deprecating effect she’s had on you and how you’ve changed for the better as a result. Too much slush can leave your audience wilting.

Don’t forget to mention your own parents.  And not just for their contribution to the wedding. Thank them for those things you always took for granted: lifts to school when you were ten, freezing afternoons on the side of a muddy sports field watching you make a fool of yourself, or for helping you learn to drive; anything that demonstrates the love and support they have provided for so long.  Unless they haven’t of course.

Don’t include too much about the Best Man. In-jokes on this front are strictly discouraged.

Include a heartfelt toast to the Bridesmaids. These are quite likely your Bride’s best friends so mention how beautiful they are and what supportive mates they’ve been to your new wife. The guests will love it as much as they will.

The balance between sincerity and humour in the speech is a difficult one for the Groom. It doesn’t provide as much opportunity for raucous laughter as the Best Man’s speech. And nor should it.

Ultimately it is a chance to celebrate your love for your new wife, whilst thanking her and others for helping you reach this point in your life. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t plenty of excuses for getting the guests to laugh, clap and generally feel good through your speech. Hopefully I’ve given you some tips for achieving this. But if you have any concerns about creating your own speech, I would be delighted to chat, edit your draft or even write it for you.
Good luck and best wishes
Lawrence

Why NOT to get help with your speech

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12 reasons for NOT getting a professional speech writer to help write your wedding speech:

  1. You are absolutely certain that your version won’t be littered with cut-and-paste jokes and phrases from the internet
  2. You have mastered the knack of writing in short punchy sound-bites with natural pauses for breath in the right places
  3. You are able to thread a number of themes, stories and ideas into a coherent, seamless script
  4. You have a natural feel for how to create the right balance between humour and sincerity in a speech
  5. You have lots of spare time to craft a number of drafts of a speech until you are certain that not one word is wasted
  6. You understand the best ways to weave the mundane lists of wedding-day ‘thank yous’ into the speech so no one quite realises how many people you have mentioned
  7. You have the knack of developing your speech around a theme to hold it together
  8. You instinctively know how certain words and phrases just don’t work when spoken out loud
  9. You are able to sum up long stories and complicated relationships in a small and interesting couple of phrases
  10. You can read through the speech you have written and be certain that it is entirely original and relevant to the audience on the day
  11. You are certain that when you stand up you won’t wish you’d got some help
  12. You are certain that when you sit down again you won’t wish you’d got some help

If you can say ‘yes’ to that lot then PLEASE don’t ask me to write your speech.  In fact, please do me a favour and give me a call to ask for work.

But if by any remote chance you can’t, please feel free to call me on 020 8245 8999 to discuss how I might be able to help you create the speech of your life!

Best wishes

Lawrence

How to write a great speech: BREVITY

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Having read my previous articles, you should now have a relevant and original message in mind and are ready to put pen to paper.

Things are looking good, but the pitfalls aren’t all out the way.

Because there is nothing worse than a speaker who takes two minutes to introduce himself and then uses long, winding sentences like this one to make a point that could have been made much more clearly in far less time and using far fewer words.

The secret is brevity.  Not terseness.  Just the use of short, sharp punchy sound bites to make your point in a crisp, memorable way.

There are tricks to achieve this.  For a start, break long sentences up into shorter ones.  Then try and split those up wherever possible.  These breaks should be created at a convenient place to breathe (and pause for effect) when you are speaking.

Like this …

… and this …

… and, most importantly …

… like this.

Secondly, try to avoid convoluted ways of explaining something simple.  For example:

“The problem with playing three centre forwards is that each forward is based in the attacking third of the pitch which can leave a massive gap in midfield to be filled by less players, meaning that the defence gets pulled out of shape.”

Could be changed to:

“Selecting three forwards can leave holes behind them in midfield …

… that defenders are forced to cover.”

Thirdly, read your sentence out loud after you have written them.  You may find that what looks good on the page, doesn’t sound so good when you hear it.

Finally, remember this sad fact (it’s actually an estimate):

A day after you have spoken, few of your audience will remember your key message, fewer still will have remembered your second message, and only a handful will remember more than one example you highlighted.

So see if you can compact a twenty minute speech into fifteen, and don’t worry about being too brief.

Please feel free to call me on +44 20 8245 8999 to discuss the impact of your speech or presentation in more detail.  Best wishes, Lawrence

How to write a great speech: ORIGINALITY

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My previous blog piece focused on relevance.

But although being relevant will help you convince your audience to listen for a while, it isn’t enough on its own to hook them in.   And so once you have decided what your key message is going to be, you need to wrap it in an original way.

Don’t worry.  This doesn’t mean you need to wear a bizarre costume, Morris dance  or sing.  But whatever the event at which you are speaking, you need to convince your audience that they are going to learn something new from you.  And the best way to do that is to communicate a little differently.

There’s obviously a catch here.  If I give you an original idea then it will immediately cease to be original.  But I can give three examples of people who have managed to present relevant ideas in ways that have really made an impact on the audiences concerned.

Like the energy consultant who flew off to a meeting in Cape Town last April and linked the various elements of a new technology his firm had launched to the preparations for the Royal Wedding.  This enabled the less technical members of the audience to enjoy the speech and understand his role.  He was congratulated the following day on being the most impressive speaker at that year’s conference.

Then there’s the example of the accountant given fifteen minutes to speak on the difference between tax evasion and avoidance.  This is obviously a technical issues with major consequences.  Avoidance leaves more money sitting in your personal account.  Evasion gains you a stretch behind bars.  And so she started by telling a story about life in Ford Open prison.  Her audience were captivated.  And their interest grew when she explained that was exactly what they could be facing if they failed to listen to some of the finer details that were to follow.

Finally, there was a father-of-the-bride at a wedding.  His speech was relevant enough, but it just lacked a little bite.  Until he mentioned that his daughter had spent the first twenty years of her life obsessed with the musical Grease.  As a result, he wove together the key stories and characters from her life using song titles and lyrics sung by John Travolta and Olivia Newton John.  The following week he and his wife started receiving thank you letters for the wedding.  And the vast majority referred to his speech as being the best they had ever heard.

These examples are obviously pretty random.  There is, sadly, no formula for originality.  It disappears the minute you try to adhere to a template.  And that’s why every speech we write at Great Speech Writing begins on a blank piece of paper.

But if you can combine a relevant approach with an original way of communicating the message then you are on well on track.

Please feel free to call me on +44 20 8245 8999 to discuss the impact of your speech or presentation in more detail.  Best wishes, Lawrence

10 things to avoid during your speech

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Because public speaking is, by definition, a ‘live’ event, mistakes are inevitable.  As a speech writer, I am often approached by people who have had a bad public speaking experience in the past, and with them in mind, here are a few things to avoid to ensure that you minimise your chances of something equally horrible happening to you!

  1. Drinking too much beforehand
  2. Forgetting that you only have two hands.  This means that it isn’t easy to hold your speech in one hand, your microphone in another, and still have a spare hand to click through any accompanying slides
  3. Typing your speech in a font that’s too small to read at arms length
  4. Typing your speech in a colour that’s too light to read in a dimly lit room
  5. Not numbering your cards / pages and so panic ensues when you drop them on the floor as you are about to start speaking
  6. Not taking a glass of wine with you to make a toast at the end of the speech
  7. Speaking so quickly that no one can keep up with the points you’re making
  8. Speaking so quietly that no one can hear you
  9. Staring down at your speech and forgetting that you should actually be addressing your audience
  10. Looking glum throughout. Unless you are Jack Dee, this tends to be a real turn off.

This list isn’t meant to scare you, and nor is it comprehensive.  But it is amazing how the silliest things can ruin the most beautifully written speech.  As ever, preparation is key.  If you know your content, have checked out the venue, and have practised out loud, then your odds are good.

Please let me know if I can help with any aspect of this.

Lawrence

10 tips for a great wedding speech

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It is summer.  Wedding bells are ringing and men of all shapes and sizes are desperately surfing the internet hoping to find an instant cure for the speech they have been dreading since the date was set.

Here are ten quick tips to help you get started: 

  1. It’s not just you.  Many men worry that their speech will ruin their wedding day.  And that goes for grooms, best men and fathers of the bride around the country.
  2. Beating the nerves is all about preparation in two areas: Writing the speech and giving it.
  3. It’s worth contacting friends and family who have known the bride and groom at different stages of their lives to gather unusual anecdotes and insights.
  4. What will your audience want to hear?  There is nothing worse for Grandma than a best man’s speech focusing exclusively on the Stag’s drinking exploits in Amsterdam dressed as Spiderman.  Try to include something for everyone.
  5. Try to map out a framework for the speech that combines a sensible balance between sincerity and humour.  An over-sentimental speech can be dull.  But a stand-up comedy routine can miss the point entirely.
  6. There is no ‘perfect’ shape or style for a speech.  You may want to take a thematic or chronological approach.  But the key is brevity.  Avoid rambling paragraphs in favour of short, punchy, deliverable sentences.
  7. This punchy style means you’ll be able to give the speech much more confidently.  Practise it out loud over and over again, reading very slowly and emphasising key words.
  8. Get to know your speech so well that you only need to glance at your notes to remember what comes next.  The slow pace will make this easy and allow you to make eye contact with your audience.
  9. Find out where you’ll be standing, whether there will be a microphone, and if there will be somewhere to rest your notes.  This will avoid nasty surprises that might keep you awake the night before.
  10. If you are still worried, please call me.  I’d love to help you write something truly original, memorable and easy to deliver.

5 Do’s and 4 Don’ts of Speech Delivery

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Every speech requires different delivery. And every speaker has a different style. But these tips are relevant to pretty much everyone.

I hope you find them useful.

Do

Talk slowly. If it takes 12 minutes, not nine, it doesn’t matter at all.
Pause for effect. Your audience need time to digest the story before they get the punchline. So give them time to get it.
Emphasise key words. Imagine you’re teling a story without a script. You’ll say some words louder than most. And change your inflection on others.
Practise. However well written the speech, you don’t want to be ‘reading’ it. Know it well enough that it just becomes a safety net.
Gesticulate. Body language is vital. If you’re addressing someone, look at them. Use your arms to emphasise a point.

Don’t

Be put off by a heckle. You can pre-prepare a couple of responses to a noisy member of the crowd.

Give in to the shakes. Paste your speech onto card. Or rest it somewhere you can see it. Find out if there’s a lectern. Holding a shaky piece of paper will put you off before you get going.
Get drunk beforehand. It may feel like the easy way to get through it, but it won’t seem so sensible afterwards.
Just read it out. Great material is irrelevant if it’s delievered badly. You’ll be much more natural when you’re not reading straight from the page.

Further Help

Even if I haven’t written your speech or presentation, I’d be delighted to arrange a session to help you deliver it.  I can also arrange for your speech to be professionally printed onto A6 card and delivered to you (all for £20+VAT within the UK).  Please let me know if you’d like some help.

Preparing a social speech

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No speechwriter in the world can get going without any content.

I have put this questionnaire together to help you gather the information to help start you off.  Please be aware that this is not a template for a speech, simply a way of gathering information about you, your audience and your subject to start to make your speech truly original and relevant.

I hope it will get you thinking about what you could and should say.

If you’d like me to help you write your speech, then please give me a call before you complete it as this is a generic version and I can email you a specific questionnaire for different occasions. Ideally, we can skip this process by meeting up or arranging time for a detailed conversation over the phone.

The occasion

  1. What is it?
  2. Where is it being held?
  3. Do you know anything interesting about the venue?
  4. Have you been there before?
  5. Who is hosting it?

The context for your speech

  1. At what stage in the event will you be speaking?
  2. Who is giving the other speeches and what will they mainly be talking about?
  3. What’s the order of speeches?
  4. Who will be introducing you?
  5. Do you know that person, and if so, is there anything humorous we can say about him or her?
  6. How do you think he or she is likely to introduce you?
  7. Will you be finishing with a toast? If so, who to?

Your subject

  1. Who are you principally talking about?
  2. How do you know him / her?
  3. When did you meet him / her?
  4. Where and when was he / she born?
  5. Where did he / she go to school?
  6. Are there any great stories associated with this period?
  7. Did he / she go to college / University? Any stories here?
  8. What was his / her first job?
  9. What jobs has he / she done subsequently? Any great work stories?
  10. What does he / she do now?
  11. Could you describe him / her physically?
  12. Could you describe his / her personality in three words?
  13. What are his/ her main hobbies / interests?
  14. Can you give a brief outline of his/ her family situation?
  15. Can you give an example of a great story or two that you’ve been involved in with him / her? (when was it?)
  16. If there was a theme to hold your description of him / her together, what would it be?

Your second subject

(For example, if this is a best man’s speech this would be
the bride; if it’s a groom’s speech, this could be your
parents)

  1. Is there someone else fundamental to making this speech work?
  2. Can you give a brief outline of their life?
  3. And the role that they’ve played in changing the life of your main subject?

Any other subjects

Who else do you want to mention and what do you want to say about
them?

Your speaking style

  1. What proportion of the speech would you like to be sincere and what proportion funny?
  2. How long would you like to speak for?
  3. Are you, by nature, shy or extrovert?
  4. How nervous will you be when you stand up to speak?
  5. How would you like to introduce yourself?

Audience

  1. How many people will be there?
  2. How many of them will know you?
  3. Do you need to thank people who have travelled from afar or who
    are particularly special?
  4. Do you expect it to be a relatively sedate or loud atmosphere?

Taboo subjects

What can’t we mention?

Are there subjects not covered above that you know will amuse / interest your audience? Please give me as much detail as possible, particularly if we won’t be meeting up to chat this through before I start writing.