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Early preparation tips for this year’s wedding speech

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Some people don’t think about writing their Groom, Best Man or Father-of-the-Bride speech until a few weeks, or even days, before the big event. I know – because many of them call me in a last minute panic.

But I would never knock the luxury of giving yourself ample preparation time to write and rehearse your speech. It’s a bit like Usain Bolt’s winter training. It will enable you to maximise the chances of hitting the ground running on the day itself.

Here are some of the things you can start to think about and work on in those quiet months:

1)     Research stories. This may involve contacting the bridesmaids for anecdotes about the bride, or parents for childhood memories about the groom. This type of research can take longer than you think. People (particularly parents) don’t want to be rushed when asked for this sort of information, so it is worth getting your email and phone requests in now.

2)     Liaise with the other speakers: With any wedding speech there is a risk of covering ground that will be repeated in the other speeches. I would strongly recommend that however original you think your speech may be, you have a quick chat with the other speakers to work out who will thank who, and which areas you will each be covering to ensure there is no awkward overlap on the day itself.

3)     Check out the venue: You might want to find out where you will be standing.  Will there be a microphone?  Will you have a lectern?  This information will all come in useful when you start writing and practising.

4)     Create a master document: This can be used for collecting all your thoughts along with everyone else’s. Even if it doesn’t seem so at the time, this process can end up being extremely useful in creating an overview, structure and theme when it comes to writing the speech itself. At this stage don’t worry about what’s interesting, what’s funny, or what’s off limits. Put everything down!

5)     Keep an ear out: Particularly for quirks, quotes and snippets of potentially relevant information and jot them down in your master document.

6)     Don’t just start writing: Put a structure in place first.  Plan how the speech is going to flow, and what your key message and theme will be.  That way the writing becomes much easier.

7)     Call now! If you’re thinking of using a speech writer, then now is a good time to call. You’re likely to get more personal attention from me now than in those busy wedding season months, and you’ll be giving yourself a good month or two to rehearse your speech once you’re happy with it. Good preparation can make the difference between a good speech and a great one.

Some of the above may seem obvious, but the worst speeches are written in a rush. A speech is nothing without content or context.  And they are best achieved through careful planning. Be aware though that however prepared you are, it is important you adapt your speech if something topical crops up nearer the time (e.g. Volcanoes in Iceland, World Cup results). If anything it will make your well planned speech look off the cuff and relevant, ensuring more respect and praise from your audience.

Good luck!

Very best wishes

Lawrence

020 8245 8999 | 07970 046 230

Why NOT to get help with your speech

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12 reasons for NOT getting a professional speech writer to help write your wedding speech:

  1. You are absolutely certain that your version won’t be littered with cut-and-paste jokes and phrases from the internet
  2. You have mastered the knack of writing in short punchy sound-bites with natural pauses for breath in the right places
  3. You are able to thread a number of themes, stories and ideas into a coherent, seamless script
  4. You have a natural feel for how to create the right balance between humour and sincerity in a speech
  5. You have lots of spare time to craft a number of drafts of a speech until you are certain that not one word is wasted
  6. You understand the best ways to weave the mundane lists of wedding-day ‘thank yous’ into the speech so no one quite realises how many people you have mentioned
  7. You have the knack of developing your speech around a theme to hold it together
  8. You instinctively know how certain words and phrases just don’t work when spoken out loud
  9. You are able to sum up long stories and complicated relationships in a small and interesting couple of phrases
  10. You can read through the speech you have written and be certain that it is entirely original and relevant to the audience on the day
  11. You are certain that when you stand up you won’t wish you’d got some help
  12. You are certain that when you sit down again you won’t wish you’d got some help

If you can say ‘yes’ to that lot then PLEASE don’t ask me to write your speech.  In fact, please do me a favour and give me a call to ask for work.

But if by any remote chance you can’t, please feel free to call me on 020 8245 8999 to discuss how I might be able to help you create the speech of your life!

Best wishes

Lawrence

How to write a great speech: RELEVANCE

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Emperors in the Coliseum would signal the fate of a gladiator with the lifting of a thumb.  And not much has changed.  Because this is the age of mobile technology.  And there is nothing worse than looking up after a minute of your pivotal speech or presentation to see the key decision-maker in the room looking down, Blackberry in-hand, and a scrolling thumb providing its own telling feedback on the impact of your big moment.

In the age of Twitter, I’m often asked to help clients avoid this fate in 140 characters.  Fortunately, I can often cut that to nine:

RELEVANCE.

Whether a client is speaking at a wedding, a business conference or in Parliament, the same principle applies.  Because a speech, any speech, needs to create an impact if people are going to enjoy and remember it.  And there is no better way to make that impact than by making it one hundred percent relevant to your audience.

Relevance comes in different shapes and sizes.  From a strategic perspective it means focusing on benefits rather than features.  This is a fundamental rule of any form of communication, but when it comes to speeches, and particularly speeches on a technical subject, there is a tendency to push common-sense to one side and tell people an awful lot about what you know, at the expense of what they really want and need to hear.

As a result, many business speeches and presentations begin with a hugely detailed section ‘about us’ which incorporates ‘who we are’, ‘what we do’, and ‘what our latest great product or service is all about’.

This may be all true.  And it may also be incredibly interesting to you.  But an audience is likely to be stifling the yawns and reaching for its emails before you have even got going.

Relevance means approaching things back-to-front.  It means engaging their interest from the start; demonstrating that it is really worth giving you their complete and undivided attention before you even start to explain the technical aspect of what you do.

And so if you are explaining to an audience why your new product is going to transform the way they work, please don’t start by telling them how long you’ve been working on it, what its ingredients are, or where your offices are based.  Think about how they will use it, the problems it will solve, and the frustrations it will alleviate.

Similarly, if you are Best Man at a wedding, the worst possible way to start your speech is by talking about yourself for too long, and by regaling the guests with long and detailed stories that demonstrate why you and the Groom are such good mates.  By all means introduce yourself, but then imagine you are in the audience before you start writing.  This isn’t about you, it’s about them and him.  And you are simply a conduit for sharing relevant, interesting and amusing information about him.

In short, if a speech isn’t relevant, it is highly likely to fail.  Audiences have short attention spans.  The twitching of a thumb may no longer spell the end of a life, but it can provide a clear indication that your speech or presentation is facing an early death.

Please feel free to call me on +44 20 8245 8999 to discuss the impact of your speech or presentation in more detail.  Best wishes, Lawrence

Who to thank in your wedding speech

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It is no secret that every speaker at a wedding will have people to thank.  And I am asked regularly to suggest who should be thanked, by whom, and how best to word them.

The biggest issue in many cases is ‘listing’.  The thanks can be endless, suffocating the speech and bearing the wrong sort of comparisons with the worst Oscar acceptances.

The best speeches weave the necessary ‘thanking’ around their more creative elements so the audience hardly realise you’re running through a list at all. Here’s a quick summary of the key ‘thanks’ that should be included if yours is a standard wedding with a relatively orthodox set of speeches.

The Father of the Bride Speech

1. The guests – particularly those who’ve travelled a long way 
2. Your wife – for organising the day/ bringing up your daughter/ putting up with you!
3. You may also want to mention your other children, the vicar or equivalent and any friends who have helped with the organisation of the day

The Groom Speech

1. The Father of the Bride for his speech (and kind words about you if appropriate)
2. The guests (ensuring it ties in with what your father-in-law has said)
3. Your new-in-laws for producing your wife!
4. Your Bride – for saying yes!
5. Your own family
6. Any elderly or ‘special’ guests
7. The Best Man and Ushers
8. The Bridesmaids

Your list may overlap with the Father of the Bride, so it is worth trying to share them between you.  You may also want to mention guests who can’t be there and thank anyone from the wedding planner to the flower arranger (although I suggest that you restrict your thanks to volunteers rather than paid professionals – including your speech writer!)

The Best Man Speech

  1. Your hosts
  2. The Groom (for asking you to be his best man/for being a good mate)

This list is short and sweet. Yours is the speech with most room for creativity and fun and less need for thanks.  Your role is to provide amusement rather than sincerity.  However, it is still worth checking with the Groom that he doesn’t want you to take any of them off his plate.  This can be particularly useful if there is a thank you that will tip him over the edge!That’s the high level summary.  Please don’t assume anything and always check with the other speakers that you are not going to cover the same ground.  Good luck, and please feel free to call me at any time if you’d like some help turning your ‘tick list’ of thank yous into something that resembles an entertaining speech rather than a school register.

Lawrence

Dos and Dont’s for your Groom Speech

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The wedding ‘season’  is coming to an end, but I have had a flurry of enquiries about Groom speeches over the past few days.  Every Groom requires a different approach. And every speaker has a different style. But these tips will be relevant to most Grooms.  I hope you find them useful.

A Groom SHOULD

  1. Thank your guests for attending, particularly those who have travelled from far and wide
  2. Mention any special guests (i.e. elderly relatives)
  3. Thank your new in-laws (particularly if they are hosting the wedding)
  4. Mention your own parents – this is an opportunity to thank them for all those years of help and support
  5. Talk about the Bride, in a way that balances warmth with a little bit of humour
  6. Introduce the Best Man
  7. Finish with a toast to the Bridesmaids

A Groom SHOULD NOT

  1. Spend more time building up the Best Man than the Bride
  2. Waste too much time thanking people who’ve been paid to do a job (e.g. caterers or planners)
  3. List so many ‘Thank yous’ that the speech resembles a school register
  4. Talk for too long. Generally I recommend 10 minutes as an optimum speaking time
  5. Forget this is a celebration of love, not an opportunity for a 10 minute comedy stand up routine

A Groom MIGHT ALSO want to mention

  1. Any friends or family who have made huge efforts in organising the day
  2. Flower girls and page boys
  3. Those who are not able to be there on the day
  4. The ushers
  5. A relative/close friend who has been a particular source of strength to the Groom over the years
  6. The Vicar/Priest/Rabbi or whoever conducts the ceremony

The balance between sincerity and humour is a difficult one for the Groom. The hardest task is to fit so much in to such a short space of time. The ultimate objective is to weave all these together in an original, memorable way. If you do have any concerns about your own speech, I would be delighted to chat, edit your draft or even write it for you.

Best wishes

Lawrence

Tips for delivering your wedding speech

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I have been inundated in the past few weeks with clients calling for tips on how best to deliver their wedding speech.  Whether you are a Best Man, Groom or Father of the Bride, here are eight points that come up repeatedly and that I hope will help you make the most of your material. 

Talk slowly and take your time. If it takes 12 minutes, not nine, it doesn’t matter at all.

Pause for effect. Your audience need time to digest the story before they get the punch-line. So give them time to get it.

Emphasise key words. Imagine you’re telling a story without a script. You’ll say some words louder than most. And change your inflection on others.

Ignore hecklers. You can pre-prepare a couple of responses to a noisy member of the crowd, or smile and thank them politiely.  But it is usually safest to ignopre them completely.  This is a wedding, not a stand-up gig, and you are not expected to come up with pithy responses fit for the Comedy Store.

Practise. Great material is irrelevant if it’s delivered badly. You’ll be much more natural when you’re not reading straight from the page. Know it well enough that it just becomes a safety net.

Gesticulate. Body language is vital. If you’re addressing someone, look at them. Use your arms to emphasise a point.

Manage the shakes. Paste your speech onto card. Or rest it somewhere you can see it. Find out if there’s a lectern. Holding a shaky piece of paper will put you off before you get going.

Don’t get drunk beforehand. It may feel like the easy way to get through it, but it won’t seem so sensible afterwards.

It goes without saying that everyone has different concerns about their own speech and that these tips only cover some high-level worries.  I run sessions helping clients with their delivery as well as writing their speeches, so please call me if you’d like a more personal discussion of the issues facing you on the day.

Preparing your speech or presentation

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It’s OK.  The speech is ages away.  There’s nothing to worry about yet.

You may be absolutely right, but there is no substitute for preparation even if you are an accomplished public speaker.  Take the politicians who finesse and practise their first speech in office long before the election is won (or lost!).

If you are beginning to think about a spring or summer work presentation or wedding speech, I’d suggest that you do the hard work now and create time for practise nearer the event.  This doesn’t necessarily mean writing a first draft, but simply pulling together all the information you’ll need and starting to think about the potential shape and structure of your speech.

This period is the equivalent of a sportsman’s pre-season training.  It will enable you to maximise the chances of hitting the ground running once the speech draws near.

Many of these tips won’t take you long, but they’ll save you time and stress nearer D-day.

  1. Contact others for background information. If you are a Best Man, it’s never too early to start contacting the Groom’s family for anecdotes.  If you are giving a business speech its worth asking the organisers what the audience will be expecting from you.
  2. Create a master document into which you dump all your thoughts along with everyone else’s. Even if it doesn’t seem so at the time, this process can end up being extremely useful in creating an overview and structure when it comes to writing the speech itself. At this stage don’t worry about what’s interesting, what’s funny, or what’s off limits. Put everything down!
  3. Keep an ear out for quirks, quotes and snippets of potentially relevant information and jot them down in your overview.
  4. If you’re using photos, diagrams or props, start thinking now about what you need and where you can get them.
  5. Take some time to start sketching an outline of your speech or presentation. This will begin to create the context to judge which of your stories and ideas fit well together.
  6. Be prepared to write a number of drafts before you get it just right.
  7. Enlist the help of a colleague or friend off whom you can bounce ideas and eventually practise delivery.  Ask them to be critical and so anything that passes through you both is likely to be worth saying.
  8. Find out about the venue in which you’ll be speaking.  Where will you be standing.  Will there be a microphone?  Will you have a lectern?  This information will all come in useful when you start writing and practising.
  9. Check who is speaking before and after you.  What are they likely to say?  How might they refer to you?  Start thinking about ways to link your speech to theirs.

None of this is rocket science.  Quite the opposite in fact. But it does show that there’s plenty to be getting on with early on.  A speech is nothing without content or context.  And they are best achieved through careful planning.

My next blog piece about putting pen to paper.  In the meantime, please feel free to call me with any speech or presentation-related question on +44 207 681 8247.

Thanks, Lawrence

Only relevant to wedding speeches

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Are you preparing a wedding speech and wondering what to say?

I have developed three questionnaires to help the traditional speakers prepare the content that they might want to weave into their speech.  My clients often use one of these to prepare for our first meeting.

I’m afraid that they are not templates for creating your speech, simply a way of pulling together all the information that may become useful.

So if you have had trouble getting through to me on the phone and want to get going, then please start here:

Best Man Speech Questionnaire

Father of the Bride Speech Questionnaire

Groom Speech Questionnaire

National Wedding Show at Olympia, October 2009

If you happen to be visiting the show,  I will be there for all three days giving free speech-related advice to anyone who asks!  If you read this beforehand, please drop me an email and we can arrange a specific time to meet.