7 terrible starts to father of the bride speeches

You are so proud of your daughter. You want to entertain your guests. And you want your family to know how much you love them while telling your son-in-law just how welcome he is in your lives. And then it all falls apart in the speech from hell!

Here are some sure-fire ways to get the wedding breakfast off to the worst possible start. Each has been taken from draft father of the bride speeches we’ve been sent (from which we immediately advised removing offending opening!). As ever, all names have been changed.

Joking about the bill

“Good afternoon everyone. As you know, I’m not an emotional man but you may have seen me shed a tear during the service earlier. Yes, there are moments when even a grown man can cry. In my case, I was looking at the happy couple – and trying to work out just how much all this was costing me.”
Father of the Bride Speeches Squeamishness Rating: 4/5.

Referencing his daughter’s love life

“Friends and family. What a special day. We knew it would happen eventually. We knew she’d look perfect. And we knew you lot would all turn up for a free meal! The only question was whether she’d marry John, Paddy, Thomas, Henrik or Lee. Fortunately, she chose Olly – which was, if I may say so, a very sensible conclusion to reach!
Father of the Bride Speeches Squeamishness Rating: 5/5.

Annoyed at the long courtship

“Hello to you all on this very happy day. Sadly, I’m a little greyer than I imagined I’d be on my daughter’s wedding day. And I have two more grandchildren than planned. For which Tom, I can only ask, why did proposing take you so long?!”
Father of the Bride Speeches Squeamishness Rating: 4/5.

Cut and paste humour

“Dearest Friends, family, Josh and Rebecca. How odd it is to be here having given away my precious youngest daughter. I’ve done it before but this one feels particularly odd. I’ve learned my lesson though. So Josh, please note that having taken possession, no returns will be accepted after 28 days!”
Father of the Bride Speeches Squeamishness Rating: 2/5.

Contrived legal joke

Good evening everyone – what a day! Julian – congratulations. Your mum has become a mother-in-law. Dad’s become a father-in-law. Your sister has become a sister-in-law. And your brother has become a brother-in-law. Meanwhile, your wife has become THE law!
Father of the Bride Speeches Squeamishness Rating: 2/5.

Most over-used wedding speech joke of all time

“Joe and Hannah, the Smiths, the Jones, Friends and Families. What a day! I feel hot, flustered and so emotional that even the cake’s in tiers.“
Father of the Bride Speeches Squeamishness Rating: 4/5 (unless your guests have never heard it before – because it was great once!).

Well-worn pun

“Gosh! Is this really happening? I mean, one minute Anna’s starting school and now she’s starting married life. No wonder I’m in shock. And that’s just the start. Because when I offered to pay for the wedding breakfast for a hundred people, I thought that meant enough sausage, egg and bacon to feed you all. I was even going to throw-in some fruit juice and cappuccino!”
Father of the Bride Speeches Squeamishness Rating: 4/5.

The alternative

There are so many funny, original and thoughtful ways to begin a father of the bride speech. And an equal number of reasons not to cut-and-paste your jokes or embarrass yourself by referring to the cost of your hospitality or your daughter’s relationship history. Here are some ideas. And if this is your first visit to the site, here’s an introduction to us.